I am beginning to think the people behind Facebook have employed a ninja spy to stalk me in my every day life. I don't spend THAT much time on Facebook and yet it seems to be very current about the things in my life that I haven't even mentioned.
Perhaps I should be flattered that Facebook takes that much time to look into my life. I mean never click on their ads, partially due tot he creepy accuracy with which they follow my activities.
I decided to start eating healthier. I didn't even use the word diet - and I heard all day "You can do it!" "Lose a pound a day!" I'm fairly certain that last one isn't even healthy.
I changed my relationship status and Facebook suggested I marry a nice Jewish boy and provided me with a link to jwed.com to make my search that much easier. However I don't think it's a good idea to put all my eggs in their opinion basket as the next day they thought I needed a millionaire over 6 feet. (Aside: What the heck? Did they turn down the perfectly good under 6 foot millionaires? Aside to that aside - who wants a millionaire who has time to put himself on such a tacky website anyway? Anyone who is making that much money is a work-a-holic you'd see 3 times a year and get a card on your birthday. Any home based millionaire almost assuredly running a drug cartel, or head of some other nefarious activity)
But I digress. You know someone is privy to all of this information. Every time I 'like' something or take a quiz, Facebook pays attention. It would not surprise me if one day I started getting messages like 'Glad you enjoyed Julie & Julia, don't worry people will still love you even if you can't cook like that.' 'I love your new hair color!" or "Call your mother."
Creepy as it all is - I choose to believe Facebook secretly fights terrorism. Somewhere ins a desert fox hole an angry young man is updating his status with a quippy new quote about infidels, and Facebook will talk him off the ledge with a cleverly placed add for anger managerment and the fact that jihads are out of fashion.
Of course the next day Facebook will suggest he find a nice Christian girl and I'll be reading about him being wrestled to the ground outside a Starbucks.
See what you did Facebook?
Perhaps I should be flattered that Facebook takes that much time to look into my life. I mean never click on their ads, partially due tot he creepy accuracy with which they follow my activities.
I decided to start eating healthier. I didn't even use the word diet - and I heard all day "You can do it!" "Lose a pound a day!" I'm fairly certain that last one isn't even healthy.
I changed my relationship status and Facebook suggested I marry a nice Jewish boy and provided me with a link to jwed.com to make my search that much easier. However I don't think it's a good idea to put all my eggs in their opinion basket as the next day they thought I needed a millionaire over 6 feet. (Aside: What the heck? Did they turn down the perfectly good under 6 foot millionaires? Aside to that aside - who wants a millionaire who has time to put himself on such a tacky website anyway? Anyone who is making that much money is a work-a-holic you'd see 3 times a year and get a card on your birthday. Any home based millionaire almost assuredly running a drug cartel, or head of some other nefarious activity)
But I digress. You know someone is privy to all of this information. Every time I 'like' something or take a quiz, Facebook pays attention. It would not surprise me if one day I started getting messages like 'Glad you enjoyed Julie & Julia, don't worry people will still love you even if you can't cook like that.' 'I love your new hair color!" or "Call your mother."
Creepy as it all is - I choose to believe Facebook secretly fights terrorism. Somewhere ins a desert fox hole an angry young man is updating his status with a quippy new quote about infidels, and Facebook will talk him off the ledge with a cleverly placed add for anger managerment and the fact that jihads are out of fashion.
Of course the next day Facebook will suggest he find a nice Christian girl and I'll be reading about him being wrestled to the ground outside a Starbucks.
See what you did Facebook?
Recent Comments